Jumbled

I've been wanting to write since my last post, and it's not that I haven't had anything on my mind. The problem is that I've had too much on my mind, and that combined with a pregnant brain means that my thoughts are just jumbled. I start to think about one thing and before I know it I'm off miles away on a different subject and can't even find the train of thought that connected them.

Usually I can find the connections, no matter how strange to others. You know, thinking about wanting to go on vacation somehow leading to memories of the last one and how I liked the rental car leading to thoughts about my current car and the problems it is having which leads to thoughts of money, or lack thereof, which leads me to thoughts of Christmas (how much money will I spend) which brings me to planning out the delivery of this baby that is coming in January (since that's right after Christmas). So a thought that started out about vacations can lead to thinking about giving birth. Now that's normal for me, at least I would be able to look back and see how I got from one to another. 

Lately though its me thinking about a bill I need to pay, then how I need to spend more time playing outside with the kids while its still summer, and then how to help my mom, who is caring for my father with terminal cancer, and then what should we have for dinner, and then maybe "Hey I need to get Sam in for his 2 year shots still". Nope no pattern, just my mind not able to settle on a single thought or connect anything. My brain is turning to ooze. I guess it's number 6 that really does you in. My brain just gave up, no way to keep up now lets just give in. I guess that's how I will be able to survive, just go with the flow, which is my brain sloshing around in my head or out my ears. 

Which somehow leads me to another thought. My oldest daughter and I (she's almost 15) were driving yesterday. There is a McDonald's billboard on the freeway with perhaps the worst advertisement I've ever seen. "Egg mcmuffins, now hatching at midnight" 

That does not conjure up pleasant images for me. That brings to mind many people's worst fear with eggs, that you will crack one open and find a baby chick or feather or something (as people have claimed at times) So good job McDonald's, I now never want to eat another egg again thanks to your imagery. No one wants to think of the eggs they are going to eat "hatching". Not that I often have a desire to eat mcd's anyhow, but they keep pushing me further away with bad advertising. Do they not run it by regular joes first? "Hey does this sound appealing? Does it make you want to run out and grab breakfast from this place" 

"Why no it doesn't, it makes me want to run to the bathroom or the nearest trash can. You might want to keep trying" 

Ah well, at least it rained yesterday. (Those are connected thoughts, right??) 

Am I old, crazy, or both?

Recently I announced we are having baby #6. I get it, that is a lot of kids, though I live in an area made up predominately of "Mormons" (those of the LDS faith) and it isn't unusual to meet people with 6, or even more, kids. 

So I've been surprised at the amount of comments I've gotten. For one thing, have people no manners?! I'm a pretty open person. I will talk to you about most anything and not be offended. I do however dislike comments that border on, or are outrightly, judging my decisions. When people tell me they are having another baby I know the proper response is "Congratulations!", not "Oh my gosh! Is this planned? How old are you now?"  Or "You do know how this happens and how to prevent it, right?" (Elbow dig, wink, wink) I have even gotten a few sympathetic "How are you doing with having another? Are you feeling okay about it", as though my husband coerced me into getting pregnant or that it was a tragedy that had befallen me. It's a baby! It's doesn't matter if it was planned or a surprise, it doesn't matter if I have 2 kids or 50, it's a baby! That is a reason to rejoice. I'm happily married, we have been able to support our family on our own, and we love babies (and kids). Yup, we are happy, excited even. Which might just make me crazy, excited to have a 6th child, to go through another pregnancy?! I'm crazy. And you know what? I'm okay with crazy. 

Which brings me to the old part. So I grew up the baby of the family. I got married young and had a baby pretty close to as soon after as possible. (10 months. Yes we wanted to have kids right away, yes we were happy about it, no we don't regret it ;) )

So, all my life I've been told I'm so young, or too young, or just a baby, etc. Those that read this that are the youngest get it. Even when I got married and started having kids it was the same "But you're just a baby" "Oh my gosh you are so young" and many other similar refrains have been uttered to me over the years. Okay, that's fine. Actually, I was so excited to turn 30! "No one can call me a baby now!", I thought. I still got it, though admittedly, not as often. Even when I had a baby 2 years ago people told me "That's great, you're still young, you have time." 

Now I'm 35. That's a game changer apparently. I get that it is this starting point at which they offer more tests and such for Down's syndrome etc but it isn't magic. I didn't turn 35 (not quite 3 months ago) and suddenly I'm high risk. In fact my pregnancy is considered anything but high risk. I have no history of problems whatsoever, I'm feeling better than I have with any of my previous pregnancies, and though I could get more testing if I wanted, I won't be. Just the standard stuff unless something shows up on the ultrasound. Then we may do further testing to be able to prepare for whatever our baby will need when he/she arrives. 

Anyhow, I should be somewhat happy, I'm finally an official grownup. I'm old! Which works for me, but I was surprised that it didn't happen until I was pregnant at 35. That's when you really age. Who knew? 

I'm really okay with getting, or being, old. I plan to, hope to, live on this earth for a long time, I kind of have to get old in order for that to happen. I don't dye my gray hairs away, I'm way to low maintenance for that. I like to shower, be able to do my hair in 10 minutes, and makeup, when I wear it, is 2-3 minutes, including moisturizer. That's about it for my "beauty routine". So I'm not one to head to the salon every 6 weeks (especially with how fast my hair grows out) I'm pretty much happy with the way I look. I like to dress up sometimes, I like to wear clothes that are cute and that I'm comfortable in. I don't, however, like to spend a lot of time worrying about it. 

Actually my friend that does my hair had been trying to get me to let her dye my hair. "You will love it! It will just give it a shine you will love!" Was her mantra. When I took my oldest daughter in to allow her to get hers done they both said "please let her do just a little color in my hair for fun". She offered a great deal and said it would grow out well (which I have to say, it has been fine, I don't look funny as it has grown out) So I got highlights or whatever, I don't know. Afterward she just knew I was going to be hooked! 

And it was okay, I mean, she did a good job as far as coloring jobs go, she's good at it. But it wasn't me. Every time I walked by a mirror it was just wrong. I hated that it was so "there". I could tell I had highlights, they didn't look totally natural to me. I'm just a natural kind of gal I guess. I also think we need to embrace our aging just a bit more. I don't mean, don't take care of ourselves. I just mean the inevitable parts that just come no matter who you are, the things many work so hard to cover up. Fine lines and wrinkles. Gray hair. That kind of thing. I wish we could be more concerned with how to keep ourselves healthy than just little outward things. That isn't our society at this point though. 

Anyhow, here I am. Crazy, old, and graying (and yes I have some lines on my face too, and I don't use foundation or coverup!) I'll take it though, I'm just too simple and laid back to let it bother me a whole lot. (But man, it bothers some people! Not just that they may be getting those things but that I have them and am not trying to hide them!) 

I have to say though, it wasn't my favorite moment when talking to some people at church my then 12  year old daughter came up and exclaimed "Oh my gosh mom! Your hair is getting really gray!" Yes daughter, thank you so much for yelling that so all could hear. That's also when I decided to really embrace it and not try to hide it with how I styled my hair or things like that. 

Come what may and love it! Gray hair, craziness, and all! :) 

As far as baby goes we are crazy happy about the idea of another. The kids were all so excited and are hoping to be to choose the name. Hmmmm, we shall see on that one.