Pregnancy, the holidays (More random thoughts from a short pregnant lady)

First, I'm halfway through this pregnancy AND we just found out we are having a baby girl! We are so excited, especially the girls in the family as this will even everything out, and somehow that matters. :) This also means that our pattern holds. Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, GIRL! And that will be our finale. After having kids for the past 16 years I will officially, and without regrets, be done after #6. I know, I know, we said that after #4 and #5 but this time is for real, I can't do this forever. Plus my 7 year old pointed out "We can't really have more because our car is going to be filled up now." So there you have it folks, solid logic and a concrete reason 6 is enough and perfect for us. 

My pregnant brain is still keep my thoughts all a-jumble but somehow I'm managing to keep on keeping on. I'm homeschooling my 7 year old and my 12 year old. That and keeping the 2 year old occupied all day keeps me plenty busy and yet somehow people want food to eat, bills to be paid, and clean clothes etc too. No wonder the pregnancy seems to be flying by. And while one second I am feeling frustrated that it still feels like summer I panicked last night laying in bed because I had the "Aaaahh, how will I be ready for Christmas" panic attack. It seems once we move into September Halloween feels moments away which means the holidays begin. And that where the panic sets in. 

"What will I get everyone?! 

"How will I get it all done and be a million weeks pregnant??" 

"How will I pay for Christmas and a baby?!" 

And then I get all nostalgic and dreamy and can't wait for Thanksgiving and the Christmas season. I just love that time of year! Worries and stress can't ruin my love for the holidays. I wish we could have another family trip for Christmas as we did last year but somehow it seems impractical when I will be just 4ish weeks from my due date at that point. Yeah, better stay close to home. That's okay, I  excited for a Christmas at home too, and now we are back to worrying. 

"How much should I decorate when I'm going to be having a baby right after?"

And the ever present

"How will I pay for Christmas  AND the bills that come with having a baby?!"  

Deep breaths, happy thoughts. And oh yes, some sleep will probably help. 

Jumbled

I've been wanting to write since my last post, and it's not that I haven't had anything on my mind. The problem is that I've had too much on my mind, and that combined with a pregnant brain means that my thoughts are just jumbled. I start to think about one thing and before I know it I'm off miles away on a different subject and can't even find the train of thought that connected them.

Usually I can find the connections, no matter how strange to others. You know, thinking about wanting to go on vacation somehow leading to memories of the last one and how I liked the rental car leading to thoughts about my current car and the problems it is having which leads to thoughts of money, or lack thereof, which leads me to thoughts of Christmas (how much money will I spend) which brings me to planning out the delivery of this baby that is coming in January (since that's right after Christmas). So a thought that started out about vacations can lead to thinking about giving birth. Now that's normal for me, at least I would be able to look back and see how I got from one to another. 

Lately though its me thinking about a bill I need to pay, then how I need to spend more time playing outside with the kids while its still summer, and then how to help my mom, who is caring for my father with terminal cancer, and then what should we have for dinner, and then maybe "Hey I need to get Sam in for his 2 year shots still". Nope no pattern, just my mind not able to settle on a single thought or connect anything. My brain is turning to ooze. I guess it's number 6 that really does you in. My brain just gave up, no way to keep up now lets just give in. I guess that's how I will be able to survive, just go with the flow, which is my brain sloshing around in my head or out my ears. 

Which somehow leads me to another thought. My oldest daughter and I (she's almost 15) were driving yesterday. There is a McDonald's billboard on the freeway with perhaps the worst advertisement I've ever seen. "Egg mcmuffins, now hatching at midnight" 

That does not conjure up pleasant images for me. That brings to mind many people's worst fear with eggs, that you will crack one open and find a baby chick or feather or something (as people have claimed at times) So good job McDonald's, I now never want to eat another egg again thanks to your imagery. No one wants to think of the eggs they are going to eat "hatching". Not that I often have a desire to eat mcd's anyhow, but they keep pushing me further away with bad advertising. Do they not run it by regular joes first? "Hey does this sound appealing? Does it make you want to run out and grab breakfast from this place" 

"Why no it doesn't, it makes me want to run to the bathroom or the nearest trash can. You might want to keep trying" 

Ah well, at least it rained yesterday. (Those are connected thoughts, right??) 

Am I old, crazy, or both?

Recently I announced we are having baby #6. I get it, that is a lot of kids, though I live in an area made up predominately of "Mormons" (those of the LDS faith) and it isn't unusual to meet people with 6, or even more, kids. 

So I've been surprised at the amount of comments I've gotten. For one thing, have people no manners?! I'm a pretty open person. I will talk to you about most anything and not be offended. I do however dislike comments that border on, or are outrightly, judging my decisions. When people tell me they are having another baby I know the proper response is "Congratulations!", not "Oh my gosh! Is this planned? How old are you now?"  Or "You do know how this happens and how to prevent it, right?" (Elbow dig, wink, wink) I have even gotten a few sympathetic "How are you doing with having another? Are you feeling okay about it", as though my husband coerced me into getting pregnant or that it was a tragedy that had befallen me. It's a baby! It's doesn't matter if it was planned or a surprise, it doesn't matter if I have 2 kids or 50, it's a baby! That is a reason to rejoice. I'm happily married, we have been able to support our family on our own, and we love babies (and kids). Yup, we are happy, excited even. Which might just make me crazy, excited to have a 6th child, to go through another pregnancy?! I'm crazy. And you know what? I'm okay with crazy. 

Which brings me to the old part. So I grew up the baby of the family. I got married young and had a baby pretty close to as soon after as possible. (10 months. Yes we wanted to have kids right away, yes we were happy about it, no we don't regret it ;) )

So, all my life I've been told I'm so young, or too young, or just a baby, etc. Those that read this that are the youngest get it. Even when I got married and started having kids it was the same "But you're just a baby" "Oh my gosh you are so young" and many other similar refrains have been uttered to me over the years. Okay, that's fine. Actually, I was so excited to turn 30! "No one can call me a baby now!", I thought. I still got it, though admittedly, not as often. Even when I had a baby 2 years ago people told me "That's great, you're still young, you have time." 

Now I'm 35. That's a game changer apparently. I get that it is this starting point at which they offer more tests and such for Down's syndrome etc but it isn't magic. I didn't turn 35 (not quite 3 months ago) and suddenly I'm high risk. In fact my pregnancy is considered anything but high risk. I have no history of problems whatsoever, I'm feeling better than I have with any of my previous pregnancies, and though I could get more testing if I wanted, I won't be. Just the standard stuff unless something shows up on the ultrasound. Then we may do further testing to be able to prepare for whatever our baby will need when he/she arrives. 

Anyhow, I should be somewhat happy, I'm finally an official grownup. I'm old! Which works for me, but I was surprised that it didn't happen until I was pregnant at 35. That's when you really age. Who knew? 

I'm really okay with getting, or being, old. I plan to, hope to, live on this earth for a long time, I kind of have to get old in order for that to happen. I don't dye my gray hairs away, I'm way to low maintenance for that. I like to shower, be able to do my hair in 10 minutes, and makeup, when I wear it, is 2-3 minutes, including moisturizer. That's about it for my "beauty routine". So I'm not one to head to the salon every 6 weeks (especially with how fast my hair grows out) I'm pretty much happy with the way I look. I like to dress up sometimes, I like to wear clothes that are cute and that I'm comfortable in. I don't, however, like to spend a lot of time worrying about it. 

Actually my friend that does my hair had been trying to get me to let her dye my hair. "You will love it! It will just give it a shine you will love!" Was her mantra. When I took my oldest daughter in to allow her to get hers done they both said "please let her do just a little color in my hair for fun". She offered a great deal and said it would grow out well (which I have to say, it has been fine, I don't look funny as it has grown out) So I got highlights or whatever, I don't know. Afterward she just knew I was going to be hooked! 

And it was okay, I mean, she did a good job as far as coloring jobs go, she's good at it. But it wasn't me. Every time I walked by a mirror it was just wrong. I hated that it was so "there". I could tell I had highlights, they didn't look totally natural to me. I'm just a natural kind of gal I guess. I also think we need to embrace our aging just a bit more. I don't mean, don't take care of ourselves. I just mean the inevitable parts that just come no matter who you are, the things many work so hard to cover up. Fine lines and wrinkles. Gray hair. That kind of thing. I wish we could be more concerned with how to keep ourselves healthy than just little outward things. That isn't our society at this point though. 

Anyhow, here I am. Crazy, old, and graying (and yes I have some lines on my face too, and I don't use foundation or coverup!) I'll take it though, I'm just too simple and laid back to let it bother me a whole lot. (But man, it bothers some people! Not just that they may be getting those things but that I have them and am not trying to hide them!) 

I have to say though, it wasn't my favorite moment when talking to some people at church my then 12  year old daughter came up and exclaimed "Oh my gosh mom! Your hair is getting really gray!" Yes daughter, thank you so much for yelling that so all could hear. That's also when I decided to really embrace it and not try to hide it with how I styled my hair or things like that. 

Come what may and love it! Gray hair, craziness, and all! :) 

As far as baby goes we are crazy happy about the idea of another. The kids were all so excited and are hoping to be to choose the name. Hmmmm, we shall see on that one. 

Just a place for my thoughts

I find myself writing notes a lot, you know on my phone. Just my thoughts, or things that made me mad, or things I found funny. I had a family blog but it didn't really seem the place for many of those things, it was supposed to just be the regular bragging about my kids and saying how great we are. But my kids are getting older and now that some are teens they don't want me to brag about them so much on the blog (so I just do it on Facebook). So this is a spot for me, for my musings, complaints, random thoughts.

And here is one. I live somewhere that can be in the 100's in the summer and can be 11-20 degrees during the day in the winter.  I find this just wrong. I'm melting now but a few months ago we couldn't get rid of the snow and were freezing our tails off.
Of course I could "just move" as people love to suggest when people complain about the weather, but that isn't so easy when you have 5 (with #6 on the way) kids. We have to be responsible and all that adult stuff. You knows mouths to feed. So we would need a job in "another place".

Where would I live if I could, you ask? Well, first choice would be Southern California. We are huge Disney fans at our house. If I could go to Disneyland whenever the Disney mood struck me I would be in heaven. I understand that not everyone gets this "Disney mood" that strikes me but its a real thing. Also the beach, I would love to feel the sand between my toes on a regular basis. It may get warm in the summer a bit however I could deal with that for the summer if I didn't have the extreme winter to contend with as well.

Another choice, Seattle. I love it there. I love the rain (and yes, I've had the "you won't love rain once you live there" lecture. This may or may not be true but don't burst my love bubble.) Let me clarify, I don't hate the cold, I hate the snow. It's fun for a day, then I'm done. You can have it. My dream would be to live on Whidbey island, that place is beautiful and I seriously fell in love with it when we visited.

San Francisco is about perfect in my mind. The weather stays pretty close to perfect (for me) all year long. The city is fantastic, and it's close to my nerdy husbands dream job. (I say nerdy husband in only the most positive way. He is a nerd, he prefers big fat nerd, and I love it.)
So his dream job, besides driving the train at Disneyland, is to work in the IT department at Pixar or Disney. This brings his love and knowledge of computers, networking etc, and his love of animation and 3D graphics. He's just a nerd, that's all there is to it. :)

Oregon is a possibility to me, but I haven't really spent much time there, someday I'll take a trip there so I can decide if I love it.

There are other possibilities but the point is I may be able to deal with either a really cold winter OR a really hot summer but I don't want both. I love diversity and variety but not in my weather. Spring and fall, if that's all I had I would be more than happy.

So this is my completely mindless musing for today. I don't if anyone will ever read my ramblings but this is just for me to be able to write, and maybe stop taking up so much space on my phone.